Instructions Sold Separately

I've been fortunate enough to gather small bits of knowledge throughout my life about babies. I understand (with great certainty) that babies like to cry when something is wrong. They like to sleep a lot because their little bodies are growing at incredible rates. Babies absorb everything in their environments and learn at astounding rates. I've also learned (recently, from my fairly emphatic wife) that babies are definitely not like ants and cannot carry fifty-times their body weight.

Shockingly, all of the morsels of knowledge that I have acquired have amassed to nothing more than a banquet of ignorance. I am evidently not prepared at all for my life to change. Just as my soon-to-be-born amazing baby will do, I am learning something every day.

One of these new lessons came recently when my wife, Jenna, began amassing our 'Baby Registry'. As I looked over the long list of baby necessities, I fought back more than one "Uhhhh, what's that used for?". I instead nodded intelligently and made a few "Oh, this looks very good" comments. All the while my mental Rolodex was cataloging the bizarre instruments and doo-dads for proper Googling later.

Whilst Googling "Baby Necessities", I've opened the door to a new World of previously unthought of consumer goods. One of my favorite (thus far) is the 'Temperature Duck'. This is small rubber ducky that serves as a temperature gauge for a baby's bathwater. Thank goodness parents have the aid of a plastic duck to tell them what their fingers should.

Frankly, I'm pretty certain that I came up with the 'Toilet Buddies' idea a long time ago. When I was 7, I kept picturing a really sad R2-D2 (from Star Wars fame) as my Bemis decoration. Then the idea crossed my mind again while I was in college. Though, I don't think that I'll comment on the particulars of that idea.

Another interesting and completely unthought of item that I liked was the 'Baby Keeper'. This devices allows parents to shop with their children safely in changing rooms or use public bathrooms. I can imagine that this would be super helpful in a handful of other places... but my mind keeps coming back to one idea: Turning your baby into wall art. I know for a fact that I am going to dote over every small coo and laugh my baby makes. Why wouldn't I want to display my child on the wall for all to admire? This will be a must for our first post-baby dinner party.

Two things have become clear to me as I write this post. (1) I need to do a lot more Googling to understand the World of Baby Necessities; and (2) I should have Jenna looking over my shoulder while I'm doing that. She already seems to know a lot more than I do.